Today I am going to talk about pride, but I am not talking about having a good self-esteem, but what Rohr was talking about – needing humbleness to feel that oneness with God and a connection to each other. Richard Rohr’s words that Annette read resonate with some of us. He lays out what seems to be such an easy thing to do if we want union with God – just let go of ego and be humble. Be patient with this. As if it is an effortless task. But it takes a lot of effort. And it takes time and skill and practice to be both humble and patient enough to feel in the deepness of our hearts that we are connected to God and each other.
My favorite psalm is Psalm 131. In it the psalmist sang a song on the subject of humility and our relationship with God. Imagine, if you will, a two-year-old who is happy. They are not hungry. They are not restless. They are not tired. They are completely satisfied. And they are sitting on their mother’s lap. And that child has no fear. That mother has this under control. There is no need to be scared or intimidated or feel bad. This is a good mother – the best mother, and she is just sitting there holding that two-year-old radiating love to this child. Think of yourself as this two-year-old as I read this psalm. I also like this psalm because it is very short. Just a few verses. So you are this child. God or the Universe or The Divine is this mother holding everything in place. (Pause)
How do we get there to that point of contentment like a weaned child. The psalmist and Rohr both agree that to get to this level of fulfillment, one must come to a place of complete humility, like a child without worries or big plans.
I was listening to a TED taping from Dr. Ernest Fokoue who talked about the role of humility in our lives. He spoke at Nazareth University in Rochester, NY. He talked about the many ways ego tries to control us and why, and how we wrongly depend on ego/pride for happiness. But those two things are antithetical: happiness and pride. If you gain a goal that simply ends in pride, then there will be something else that you want very soon. So we, as humans, have to get to know what our wants and our needs are — and then get rid of the wants. It sounds very simple, but it is one of the hardest things that humans can do for themselves and their walk with God or the Universe.
Also that is not what the world teaches. The world teaches that the happier we are depends on the more we make or the more we have in this world, that this is what it means to be better off. Our North American society believes that it is up to the individual to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and by ourselves we work and for ourselves we make decisions, but in ourselves we don’t always believe, and sometimes we shouldn’t. There is never quite enough to do that. That sounds untrue, so let’s unpack this a little about humility.
First, you never reach your goal completely because pride has to reach a saturation point to feel like happiness, and it is never quite satisfied. The ego is never like a weaned child, content, as the psalmist sang. Ego always wants more. When ego is in control, expect tantrums. Expect violence.
My youngest daughter had a hard time hearing when she was two, so she didn’t use words right away. We didn’t know that she had a hearing problem or problem speaking. And when she was two and would not get her way all the time or if she was hungry or thirsty, she bit other children. This was so much of a problem that she was not allowed in the church nursery after one Sunday when she ferociously bit another child.
Think “not weaned child” who cannot use words. When are we like the unweaned child that bites, or takes a toy, or has a fit? If we don’t know how to use our words for good and to tell what we need, or when we are too young (immature even at 85 or 90 years of age) too young to know why we are unhappy, we can begin “biting” people, acting in ways that are destructive. Or harming the earth. Or hurting ourselves. Ending our relationships.
So getting to know what you need and finding out how to take care of these needs (not wants but needs) sets precedent to most other things in our lives. Remember that human connection is a need as is community. Building true connections and true community is a life process.
But ego is more like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors. Seamore wanted to have the best store ever, the best girl, and he kept feeding that plant, and at first, it worked. The plant grew and brought in customers. But it began to demand more and more. To get its enlarging effects, the plant became insatiable. Our egos are like Seamore’s plant. They are always needing to be fed more. It will never be completely nourished.
But so many take the path of pride to reach happiness, never knowing they will never experience true joy that way. You might be thrilled with reaching a goal, or paying off a debt, or even seeing a child grow into a good adult. You have reached your point, well almost, but you wonder, “why am I not connected more to God when I am achieving so much? Why does Spirit feel so distant?”
How do we let it be enough? I am not saying don’t strive to achieve. Goals are good in life. But don’t base your happiness or your priorities just on meeting the goals without doing the soul work we need to do daily, too. If we chase our goals but forget our soul work, we soon we will be asking,” where is that internal joy?” Don’t do it out of pride if the end result is that you want happiness. Seek joy through humility and intentional self-reflection, always remembering that each goal reached took many people to reach it with you, and be sure to count your blessings at least.
As Rohr wrote and Annette read in today’s passage, “A combination of humility and patient seeking is the best spiritual practice of all.”
First of all, the bootstrap mentality is never true to implement. You are never a self-made man or woman, because you are not SELF made. Someone or many people helped you along the way. Prayer, therefore, God or the Higher Power moved you to take certain steps. You are the effect of many influences on your life, of many different things that have gone your way, but you are never self-sufficient completely. That is a delusional phrase. Think of your life’s good times or times when you felt accomplished and think back on the amount of honor you felt at that time. Did you truly thank all the people who helped you to attain your goal? (Pause)
We are social beings that are designed to work together with other people. We are created in the image of God to have compassion, empathy and gratitude, to seek a sense of community and to work in cooperation with each other. Those are so very important to practice in our lives – compassion, empathy and gratitude. And they all grow from the same tree – one of humility and humbleness.
We know 1 Corinthians 13 as the Love Chapter in the bible. Love is kind, love is patient, love endures, love does not boast, love does not want its own way and so forth. But there is a part that rarely gets quoted on pretty signs for the house or cards for our mothers. It is the verse that says that right now we see in a dirty mirror in the dark. But as we love and grow in spirit, when we live in this love, we begin to see ourselves more clearly. We begin to realize that happiness depends on integrity. We have to be honest with ourselves about how much we need each other. But we can’t walk our talk until we are real about what our life is saying. Think of the famous Gandhi saying, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. “
This takes spiritual practice, sometimes therapy, and definitely a lot of self-reflection in order for us to be able to examine in each and every situation what our values are, what the real facts of the matter are, and how we truly feel about that situation and its outcome. Do you truly understand it from life’s many perspectives? Or do we just fear rejection and loneliness and go with the most popular thing to do? We want popularity because we are social animals who depend on each other for society to work in our favor. But we can’t live in fear. Because fear and happiness are not conducive to one another. Fear and faith are not compatible. Neither are fear and love. We have bigger values than fear to live into in our lives.
We are to grow and love and practice the virtue of humility by looking at ourselves in this clearing mirror and accepting who we truly are. The road to happiness begins with us being willing to learn about ourselves, our weaknesses as well as our strengths. It takes a lot of personal reflection in order to reach true humility and a lot of accountability as well. It has to include feeling and showing gratitude to the world and the people around you all of the time. It is said that “Humility is the queen of all virtues and gratitude is her twin sister.” Think about that. (Pause)
Many times, we don’t want to take stock of our lives because we don’t want to be accountable to others or grateful to others. But we can practice accountability and gratitude. Taking stock is one of the 12 steps in the ___–anonymous. We have to stop and take stock of who we truly are. What are our unique qualities? What is just part of the 99.9% of us that is not exactly the same as every other human on this planet? We are 99.9% dna reproductions of each other. We have to examine that .01% that makes us unique and know it as well as we can get to know it.
Knowing yourself truthfully is a lifelong process. You have to constantly ask the question, “What am I learning about me here? What does this situation say about me?” Not to take everything personally. In fact, you will find when your needs are met, including helping others and being in community with others, that you will be less selfish and more self-actualized, more like that two-year-old on its mother’s very safe lap. It is said that all love is self-love and all hate is self-hate. Open up and look where your love for yourself lies and where your hate for yourself might be being projected on the world. If what you feel is self-hate or if you feel hate for someone else, begin by searching in your own heart for the source of discontent. Show yourself love and talk to yourself in love. Encourage yourself. Remind yourself of the things that make you happy. You know the old song from the Sound of Music, Favorite Things – when I feel sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad. Think of them and be grateful! Always look for the role everyone played in your joy. Treat gratitude like a hot potato and be anxious to give it away as soon as it is earned. Be on guard.
As we accept the world as it really is, and act accordingly, we become naturally more humble. We have to approach every person, even ourselves, with humility. They may have a different perspective that might help us to think differently or see their point of view. That different thought process might be important to us in the future. So, listen intently on hearing what is said. Make sure you find out what matters to the person speaking. Make sure you understand the facts they are presenting. And then be deliberate about how you choose limits. Speak and act with humbleness and patience to yourself and others and begin to see your spiritual life bloom.
Queries:
- When have you truly felt humbled in front of God?
- When has pride stood in the way of your happiness?
- Who are you grateful for in your life?
0 Comments