Dear Friends,

“Violence begets violence; hate begets hate; and toughness begets a greater toughness. It is all a descending spiral, and the end is destruction” were the words of Martin Luther King Jr. It has been another week with another high-profile act of gun violence in the death of Charlie Kirk. He was known for his conservative rhetoric and his work putting people in office who demolished DEI programs all over the USA since January. The culprit in his murder has been apprehended, and vengeance is sought in the death penalty.  It is indeed a spiraling down of violence begetting more violence. One can say that the violence started long before the act of gun violence.  If passive violence is putting up any obstacle that keeps others from reaching their goal, just the act of silencing voices for equity, inclusion and diversity is an act of violence.  This is creating an increasingly more toxic environment in the USA. I have some suggestions here to help in avoiding the vicious cycle that is playing out in the media, online, and in our streets and offices.  We are working hard for the Friends Church to be a haven from this toxicity, a sanctuary, a place to come and heal with others who are avoiding the toxicity.

But what can you do to protect yourself from this toxicity?  Of course, dealing with any violent circumstances takes a lot of work in nonviolent reaction.  Martin Luther King Jr.’s followers trained endlessly for how to respond with neutrality or love when confronted with hate.  Be mindful of your boundaries and your values if you take on any of the sources of toxicity to try and right a wrong. Do it collaboratively with others who feel the same.

One of the first things that can be done is to admit the feelings these noxious atmospheres produce.  Do you feel anger? Anger can be expressed in a way that is wrong for you and for society at large. But anger itself is not toxic. So, when it comes, take it out of your heart and look at the anger, prod it, get to know it.  There is a reason for it.  What is that reason? Can you express this in a nonviolent way?  What actions can you take that show love and goodness? Can you exercise, journal, create, or use other artistic expressions that get the anger out and help it lose its power? What does it teach you about you?  Can it help you better define your boundaries?

What actions of self-care can you do best for you?  This is not selfish. At this time in America, we need to add more self-care routines. Treat the body and soul you are in with love and compassion. 

There is a school of thought out there that says that Quakers don’t have rituals.  This is a good time to prove it wrong.  We don’t have empty rituals or rituals that can become empty of meaning and source.  But having a swim class at three o’clock three times a week you can look forward to can help you to focus on self-care in a familiar way.  Same for yoga, meditation, and other forms of physical and spiritual art.  They are excellent ways to de-escalate and calm yourself.

Being internally quieted is important. Take a long run. Soak in bubbles.  Listen to music. Light a candle. Recite a prayer.  Do something that reminds you that you are a part of something larger and more enduring. ( Of course, sit in silence at least twenty minutes a day and try to clear your mind, but this is true every day, toxic or not.)  Maybe you have an old self-care routine.  This is a good time to get it out and spruce it up, bring it back to life.

Limit the negative.  It is important to speak truth to power, but it is not all on our shoulders. Be informed and engaged but do so knowing you might be going into a time you will have to vigorously shore up your boundaries and actively remind yourself of your values.

Do fun things.  That includes spirituality.  It is a great time to let go of past regrets and future fears.  Be present, be joyful, show happiness, not because of what is going on in the world, but despite it. Lighten the load. Stay  in community with positive people. Surround yourself with people who love you and appreciate your sacredness and worth.

You may know that Martin Luther King Jr. wrote something similar in 1967: “Hate begets hate; violence begets violence. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that”.   You are sources of love and light.  Stay bright!

Love and Light,

Leigh