Dear Friends,

This past Sunday at Moore Park was so much fun and very successful. Even the weather was perfect.  I have included the steps of forgiving and the poem by  Tao de Ching for anyone who may have missed the message and wants copies of the handouts.  There was also a very good time after.  There were games and water balloons and lots and lots of good summer picnic food and laughter and joy.  Thank you to all who attended!!!!!

Steps to Forgiveness

• Acknowledge the Hurt: Allow yourself to feel the pain and name the wrong that was done. Denial only prolongs suffering.
• Reflect on the Impact: Consider how holding on to anger has affected your life, health, and relationships.
• Decide to Forgive: Remember that forgiveness is a choice—a gift you give to yourself, not a favor for the other person.
• Express Your Feelings: Write a letter (even if you never send it), talk to a friend, or use creative outlets to process your emotions.
• Seek Meaning and Growth: Look for lessons and ways the experience has contributed to your growth.
• Release and Reaffirm: Practice rituals of letting go, such as mindful breathing or symbolic gestures, and remind yourself of your decision to forgive.

11 Tao de Ching

Thirty spokes converge on a hub

But it is emptiness that makes a wheel work.

Pots are fashioned from clay, but it’s the hollow that makes a pot work.

Windows and doors are carved for a house, but it’s the spaces that make the house work.

Existence makes something useful, but nonexistence makes it work.

I hope those are helpful.  But me talking about forgiveness is definitely me preaching to the choir.  No, we don’t have a choir yet anyway. It’s that I find myself forgiving someone of something and going back and needing to forgive them again for the same incident.  Like shampooing, forgiveness is always a do and repeat action.

I find myself quiet, remembering harsh words, silencing myself when I should speak.  I find myself shaking or withdrawn when I am in the company of those who have offended me. I find myself avoiding making connections when it is totally safe to do so. That’s not forgiveness.  I have to be brave enough to let it go and move on with my life. But to ever get there I will have to go through the steps again, and when I do, I will find all kinds of good things that have come out of bad situations.  Not that I should be thankful, but there are positive things that have happened because of the bad, and that helps me process the past in a more forgivable way.

Lately, my computer has been telling me things, that is co-pilot in Microsoft offers suggestions.  It’s mostly annoying, but sometimes it is helpful, like this definition of forgiveness: “Forgiveness is not the same as condoning, excusing, or forgetting a harm done. Instead, it is the conscious decision to release feelings of resentment, anger, or the desire for revenge toward someone who has hurt us, including ourselves. It is an act of reclaiming our energy and refocusing our attention on our own growth and healing. In a world that can leave deep wounds in the heart, learning to forgive—both ourselves and others—becomes a powerful way to nurture our emotional, mental, and even physical health.”

I need to get to work and go through the steps yet one more time.  Because it is not healthy in any way for me to allow myself to refuse and hang on. I will and you will finally forgive, hopefully.  I will hold you in the Light, and I hope that you hold me in the Light as well.  I know it’s important to keep trying, keep going through the steps again and again.  As I learn to forgive and allow healing to happen, I hope to be an inspiration and to enhance someone else’s ability to “let it go!” and find the good.  People have definitely found it in their hearts to forgive big traumas and unbelievable evil.  I have offended others, and for that I truly am sorry. My little problem is a grain of sand in comparison to a boulder.

There is a Jewish tale about a rabbi on the boat from Germany after WWII.  Someone asked him, even though he had barely lived and saw family and friends die  in horrific ways, how did he find it in his heart to forgive Hitler.  He simply replied, “He is too heavy a burden for me to carry with me.”

With love,

Leigh