Dear Friends,
Have you ever thought about old wounds and how they mess with our lives now? Especially spiritual wounds. Those can come about for almost anybody inflicted by some of the most well-meaning people that we could ever invite into our lives.
Yesterday I fell pretty hard onto my shoulder. I fall pretty often. I ordered a cane today which should be here within the week. But it has been years of falling that has taken me to this point. Ever get that stubborn about changing things, especially if the change marks you as different or odd in some way? Me too! I don’t want to be seen walking with a cane. I want to be close to perfect without any help. I’m Southern and in the South no woman in her right mind would be caught with a cane or no make-up. For me, it is a lengthy stick of pride I have to swallow. But how I got this way is a short story.
In 2005 I had just returned from Alaska where I worked briefly for the Bureau of Indian Affairs. One of my jobs there included counting the small otters and seals that congregated near the shore. I would sling myself over the rocks where I could get a better view. The animals had been sprayed with a de-oiling solution as had the rocks I sat on and draped over to interact thanks to an all-too-frequent oil spills. No one told the white girl not to dangle over the rocks, but I’m sure it was funny looking for them. When I decided I didn’t want the job permanently, I went home to Raleigh. I felt a little sick, but nothing out of the ordinary for someone with lupus who had just made a lot of changes quickly. I noticed sores here and there, but again, nothing to be alarmed about. Within a week, I couldn’t stand on my feet without severe pain, and I had no sense of balance. One foot felt numb when it wasn’t in pain.
To make a long story a little shorter, I had inflamed my brain’s lining, something called Cerebritis. To make it easy for people to understand, I just said and say, “I had a stroke.” The lupus and the de-oiling solution weren’t compatible. I went to UNC where I was diagnosed and treated, but it took me until 2009 to be able to walk and talk again somewhat normally. I lost many abilities I had though I can look pretty normal until I step back. My reverse is broken. It slams me to the ground no matter where I am as soon as I try to step backwards. So today I ordered a cane. It’s carved with an eagle adorning the front. I thought if I was going to have to look old, I might as well look cool.
But it got me thinking. What old wounds do we have spiritually that make us fall down? Do we have anyone around to pick us back up? What’s the healing like? Do we have old wounds like I have that we are afraid to show for any reason? Are we secretly weak spiritually? Just some queries it brought up for me.
As I said last week, it is evaluation time. We still need the evaluations brought back to the church filled out and placed in the green box on the entry table. There is plenty of room for comments on the evaluations. This helps us to find ways we can grow and to find out what is spiritually enriching for you. So these evaluations are important on so many levels. We need them returned to the church by 2PM on Monday the 13th. It’s time to bring them in or mail them as soon as possible. I will send you one if you will get it right back in. Just email me and let me know.
I hope all is well in your world. Please let me know if you need anything from me or the church.
Warmly,
Leigh
0 Comments